A rainy night with Jacob

By Sai

Tonight is the most remarkable and most memorable night I ever had for the past three months. With great pain comes great joy. Tonight I spent quality time with Jacob.

Jacob is my officemate. He’s cute. He’s young and he’s definitely my crush (blush). Jacob is a great guy. He’s not the ordinary bass guitar player who just loves to either get drunk or get wild with the girls. I have so much respect for him.

My heart always falls for either a musician or a dancer. Jacob’s a musician. It has always been my patter to fall for guys who’s a great singer or a great dancer. They somehow fill some spaces in my life. Jacob is God-fearing and I really admire him for that. I have high respects for him (Oh no, did I just say that twice?)

I miss spending time with James

By Sai

I admit. I am still not over James but I am happy with my life right now. Since Saturday I’ve been thinking about him more and more each night. I know he’s happy now with someone else while I’m stuck here in my room just thinking about our happy memories.

Love is a bitch. I know how important James is to me but I decided not to come back in his arms for it will make things more complicated. Until now I am not mentioning any detail about why I break up with him. In our three-year relationship, in fairness to James, he was the greatest boyfriend I could ever have.

Life is too short

By Sai

Life is too short.

Today, I am happy because at one point in my life and in this blog’s life I helped a man. He, too, was broken. His heart was badly wounded by a girl. Let’s call him Sam.

I never met Sam. I know how he looks like. We’re virtual friends. He’s my friend in Facebook and in Plurk. We respond to our plurks some times and last day we shared something in common – a broken heart.

You will never know how much damage you will cause to someone’s heart when you broke up with him or her unless he/she voices them out. You will never know how your simple goodbye can tear someone else’s dreams apart. I know it is hard at first but somehow time will heal you.

I listened to Sam’s “heart” problem. I told him things anyone will tell. Things like “You will get over her, don’t worry,” “This too shall pass,” “Life’s too short to be sad like that,” and “Cheer up.” There’s one thing I said that I am really proud of – “read my blog. Here’s the URL.”

READ MY BLOG. HERE’S THE URL

I didn’t mention that just for the sake of promoting this site. I am really concerned about him. He seems so hurt. His heart is really broken and I’ve been there with what happened to me and James. I know what it’s like to love someone and in the end just finding yourself crying alone over someone who you thought would be yours forever. I realized how this blog helped me. I realized how Sex and the City helped me realize some points about relationships, love and loving someone again and again. I learned we never should give up in love with the caution of not filling our mind with a “happily ever after” ending.

Sam said, “I’ll check your blog.” A man of his words, he checked it. I do not now until what part he finished reading this “broken hearted blog” but today he said something that made me smile.

THANKS TO YOUR BLOG I AM OKAY NOW.

Those were the first “Thank you” message I ever had in 3 years of blogging. It was sincere and I can feel how The Single Lady Blog helped him smile even for a little while.

To Sam, you’re very welcome. I am happy that I somehow helped you realize the pain I’ve been through. I am happy my heart aches made you realize something – moving on from your past relationship should not be full of sad faces, sometimes you also have to smile and be optimistic.

To all broken hearted like me and Sam, I hope you continue reading this blog and I will be very happy to hear or read your “Thank you Single Lady, I am healed now.” Now that’s my mission now. I want to help all broken hearted people because I know what it’s like to be broken from inside. Always remember this, no one (not even an asshole) can stop you from being happy. If someone breaks your heart just tell him, “Okay, charged to experience. Moving on. Next!”

Lessons I’ve learned in my relationship with James

By Sai

Sex and the City really rocks! It gives me ideas to write about. Today I came across the idea of “what I’ve learned in my past relationship?”

I believe that whatever you’ve been through would lead you to something you can charge to experience. Hence, you learn something from it. James was my very first serious relationship. Guess what? It was such a mess!

Lesson number 1: Don’t love too much

I am the kind of girlfriend that if I love somebody I would definitely love him till the end – come what may. From what I experienced with James, loving him too much caused me too much trouble to ease the pain. And may I say, extraordinary pain!

Lesson number 2: Love yourself more.

This is the cliché I never imagined I will believe in. When I love somebody I usually love him every single day as if it was our last day on Earth. I give him all the attention he needed. I give him everything he wants and yes, to a point I become a “sugar mommy”. What I’m trying to say is, I give my all with the fact that I am forgetting one very important thing – myself.

“Love yourself more” – I heard this a million times but I never took it seriously until now. If only I have left something for myself I would not be as devastated as I was before. James could have not hurt me this bad. “If you’re not somebody’s girlfriend, then you don’t have to break up with anyone.” This line I learned from Samantha Jones, not the exact line but the thought is in it.

Lesson number 3: Always date the guy who’s better than you at all times.

For a career driven woman like me, settling for someone like James was hard especially on his part. Men are, most of the time, insecure. If you’re the one who’s earning more than he does then that’s a big issue. Like you have to punish yourself for being successful – not cool! So always, I mean always and at all cost and time, date a guy who’s better than your especially on the financial part.

Lesson number 4: Don’t look for Mr. Right!

Just enjoy who you’re with right now. Don’t be drowned by the “Mr. Right School of Thought”. Try to enjoy every single moment in your life. Enjoy your friends’ company. Enjoy people flirting with you. Don’t tie yourself with someone you’re not sure to spend his whole life with your. This will avoid the “I want to die because we broke up” thing.

Lesson number 5: Be optimistic.

He/She broke up with you. So what? Who cares? I know it’s very optimistic of me but since I recovered from this whole James thing, I’m very happy. I know it will be painful at times. Cry if you want. Shout and put the finger if you want but never let anyone caught you looking as loser as you are. Don’t worry. There’s lot of men/women out there. One man at a time :P

I think this is a song for James

By Sai

I heard this over the radio and YES! James this is for you. I love the melody of this song but nah! Me and James? Together? Erase! Erase! Erase!

I am happy now! I am happy without him. He proved how an asshole he is (many times) and he's not worth the "I shall return" scenario :P

Enjoy this song from Mariah Carey :)

I am missing the happy part

By Sai

(July 21, 2010, 11:30pm)

Tonight is like the other nights. I watch at least three episodes of either Fringe or Sex and the City. I am just too glad I finished downloading Sex and the City’s full season 6 episodes today. I am, again, getting my daily dose of Relationships 101 from Carrie Bradshaw.

Tonight’s episode reminds me of James. I know, from deep inside, I still love him. Tonight is not like the other night – I don’t have to deal with James, every night before I go to sleep, that heavy. From the moment a friend told me that I should talk about James less, I started to accept the fact that we can never be together and that whatever happened between us for three years will never happen again – well at least not in this universe’s time and space (theory from Fringe, of course).

I am writing this post before I go to sleep. I just finished watching the first three episodes of Sex and the City’s season six. I stopped at the episode where Carrie and Burger were over the “book picking” part. The last scene was at Carrie’s bathroom. Carrie and Burger were so happy together – just like I and James three years ago.

My heart is beating fast as I am writing this post. I feel James in my heart. Yet, I feel it is impossible. Early this morning a friend tagged me in one of her photo albums. I saw old memories from my school organization way back college. I saw how I managed the Junior Marketing Executives of 2008 despite all the odds. I stood for my organization. I saw how happy I was. Next.

I saw my classmates having fun in our General Assembly Party. Next.

I saw how they do the Japan pose. Next.

I saw how one of them pretended to be a drummer but actually he’s not. Next.

I should have not clicked the “Next” button...

There we were – I and James. I saw love.

I remember those days when all I ever cared about was him. I remember those days when all we ever knew was that we love each other. All I can see was “US”.

I tagged myself. I was trying to tag James in the photo but since he’s not my friend in Facebook anymore, I failed to tag him in the photo. So I went to his account and send him the link to the photo. I said, “Here’s a photo that you might be interested to tag yourself” – and I went back to work.

Right after my lunch break, I saw a message in my Facebook account. I was from James. He replied to my message.

He said, “This was our photo long ago. I miss US.”

I knew it! He was planning to throw bait but I did not let myself give in. I went straight to the point and replied, “Just tag your account if you like.”

Truth is I wanted him to ask me back – but he didn’t. Yes I miss US too. I miss him so much but I am just trying to concentrate on what I have right now. I don’t want to deal with him – my brutal past. I loved him once upon a time and let it all stay there. Now I know that not all fairy tales end with a “and they all lived happily ever after.” That cliché is bullshit! If you’re single like me please face reality and don’t fall for this “happily ever after” trap. It will just kill you from within – from your heart until you’re dead.

We both agreed that “US” being together is just next to impossible. James, I miss you but I have to move on. You’re a big pain in my ass, literally honey. You’re just giving me too much pain and I do not deserve this! Now, I don’t just miss James... I miss the feeling of having someone beside you

Someone who loves to hug you.

Someone who’s fond of kissing your lips.

Someone who wants to stay up late just to talk to you over the phone.

Someone you can go out with any time of the day (or night).

Someone you can call “YOUR GUY”.

I am still a single lady in the metropolis, still roaming around the busy city and looking for my next Mr. Right. I am not rushing. I just hope he will find me when I am just about to get bored doing all the “single lady” stuffs. Cheers to your honey! Come and get me... NOW!

Waking up with a smile

By Sai

(Written on July 13, 2010, 10:24am)

This is the first time that I woke up with a smile since I and James broke up – and this feeling is the best. Last night I composed a post about Robert and his endless effort to make me happy. I think he made me smile today.

The weather outside is very lonely yet calming. It’s raining outside and in a moment like this I usually think of James and how he broke my heart but things are different now.

I think I am moving on.

I am very grateful for having people (lots of people) who loves me. I have my blogger friends, Vince, Sire, Leira and Carl who took the time to listen to all my silly “James” stories. They made me realize my advantages now that I am SINGLE again.

Carl is right. Maybe I still love James but I if only I have enough power to erase him in my mind and in my heart, I will. Today is the start. I can feel it. I am not that lonely anymore. I haven’t totally moved on, that’s a fact. I am taking one baby step at a time.

Leira is right. James wants me and ONLY me. He made a broken bridge between me and my friends. James is selfish, VERY selfish.

No more tears now. The sad face may be seen from time to time but I think I can manage the feeling now. I will not cry anymore.

There’s one thing I like about breaking up – it is when your friends are there to offer their shoulders to you. My friends rock!