I can’t get over us

By Sai

(Written on July 12, 2010 at 1:56am)

Tonight is like the other nights I had since me and James broke up. Tonight is sad. No, tonight is the worst. Tonight I realized how much I hate myself for still loving him. He was my heaven.

He was my light. I believe I would never ever find a love like him in my entire lifetime. I recall the days when he was still mine – those days when we were still us. I am not a VERY good person, I know. I have flaws. I am a brat and I want (most) things done my way but James stood by me. He was there when I was happy. He was there when I was going through my parents’ painful separtion. He stayed with me through thick and thin. He listened to all of my silly stories. He kissed me when I was mad. He embraced me when I needed (just) time. He healed my broken heart. He was everything a girl like me could ever dream of. HE WAS MY LIFE.

And now...

MY LIFE HAS PASSED ME BY.

My friend was right. I realized that “maybe, I still love him.” That one I know but I tried to bury the feeling thousands of feet under the ground.

I STILL LOVE HIM.

“It’s been months and for some reason I can’t get over us... I’m so over being blue crying over you” – Neyo.

Yes, I am tired of going through my “before bed” crying routine. I need more time to forget how much I loved him. I need more months to forget how much we both hate each other now.

“Don’t make me think about his smile or having my first child. I’m letting go”

I am so sick of this! James, you ruined who I am. I blame you for all this stupid tears falling down my face. You said you’ll love me come what may. I guess PROMISES ARE REALLY MEANT TO BE BROKEN. You promised me and the worst decision I made in my life is when I BELIEVED.