I shall return

By Sai

“I shall return” – a statement that has been part of the Filipino norm. Historically, it meant something. Tonight I experienced a different part two – James sent a message.

I hate him for letting me know how much he still loves me.

I hate him for letting me know how much he still thinks of me.

I hate him for letting me know how much he still cares.

James is making this hard for me. He has no idea how much I wanted to hug him again. He has no idea how much my lips are begging for his sweet kisses. He just had no idea that I STILL love him.

I replied with the same thing. We have been talking for the past month like sh*t and I just realized that this man was my boyfriend once upon a time. This guy was the one I ever wanted. We shared so much and to just let the anger inside me control my whole being is just wrong. I told him I still love him, I still think of him and I still care but this time there would never be a part two in our relationship. That one hurts!

To face the fact that you can no longer be with the one you love really sucks! There were too many odds against us now. I am not saying that I care about what people might think but our issue was too big and too deep for me to handle. I do not know if I still have to believe him because I think he is okay now. I am trying to move on from my “James Chapter” and I know (someday) I will be fine. Right now I am not looking for anyone in particular. The thought of loving another man is just not passing my mind. I am trying to love myself again. This way, next time I fall in love, I am whole again.