A rainy night with Jacob

By Sai

Tonight is the most remarkable and most memorable night I ever had for the past three months. With great pain comes great joy. Tonight I spent quality time with Jacob.

Jacob is my officemate. He’s cute. He’s young and he’s definitely my crush (blush). Jacob is a great guy. He’s not the ordinary bass guitar player who just loves to either get drunk or get wild with the girls. I have so much respect for him.

My heart always falls for either a musician or a dancer. Jacob’s a musician. It has always been my patter to fall for guys who’s a great singer or a great dancer. They somehow fill some spaces in my life. Jacob is God-fearing and I really admire him for that. I have high respects for him (Oh no, did I just say that twice?)

I miss spending time with James

By Sai

I admit. I am still not over James but I am happy with my life right now. Since Saturday I’ve been thinking about him more and more each night. I know he’s happy now with someone else while I’m stuck here in my room just thinking about our happy memories.

Love is a bitch. I know how important James is to me but I decided not to come back in his arms for it will make things more complicated. Until now I am not mentioning any detail about why I break up with him. In our three-year relationship, in fairness to James, he was the greatest boyfriend I could ever have.

Life is too short

By Sai

Life is too short.

Today, I am happy because at one point in my life and in this blog’s life I helped a man. He, too, was broken. His heart was badly wounded by a girl. Let’s call him Sam.

I never met Sam. I know how he looks like. We’re virtual friends. He’s my friend in Facebook and in Plurk. We respond to our plurks some times and last day we shared something in common – a broken heart.

You will never know how much damage you will cause to someone’s heart when you broke up with him or her unless he/she voices them out. You will never know how your simple goodbye can tear someone else’s dreams apart. I know it is hard at first but somehow time will heal you.

I listened to Sam’s “heart” problem. I told him things anyone will tell. Things like “You will get over her, don’t worry,” “This too shall pass,” “Life’s too short to be sad like that,” and “Cheer up.” There’s one thing I said that I am really proud of – “read my blog. Here’s the URL.”

READ MY BLOG. HERE’S THE URL

I didn’t mention that just for the sake of promoting this site. I am really concerned about him. He seems so hurt. His heart is really broken and I’ve been there with what happened to me and James. I know what it’s like to love someone and in the end just finding yourself crying alone over someone who you thought would be yours forever. I realized how this blog helped me. I realized how Sex and the City helped me realize some points about relationships, love and loving someone again and again. I learned we never should give up in love with the caution of not filling our mind with a “happily ever after” ending.

Sam said, “I’ll check your blog.” A man of his words, he checked it. I do not now until what part he finished reading this “broken hearted blog” but today he said something that made me smile.

THANKS TO YOUR BLOG I AM OKAY NOW.

Those were the first “Thank you” message I ever had in 3 years of blogging. It was sincere and I can feel how The Single Lady Blog helped him smile even for a little while.

To Sam, you’re very welcome. I am happy that I somehow helped you realize the pain I’ve been through. I am happy my heart aches made you realize something – moving on from your past relationship should not be full of sad faces, sometimes you also have to smile and be optimistic.

To all broken hearted like me and Sam, I hope you continue reading this blog and I will be very happy to hear or read your “Thank you Single Lady, I am healed now.” Now that’s my mission now. I want to help all broken hearted people because I know what it’s like to be broken from inside. Always remember this, no one (not even an asshole) can stop you from being happy. If someone breaks your heart just tell him, “Okay, charged to experience. Moving on. Next!”

Lessons I’ve learned in my relationship with James

By Sai

Sex and the City really rocks! It gives me ideas to write about. Today I came across the idea of “what I’ve learned in my past relationship?”

I believe that whatever you’ve been through would lead you to something you can charge to experience. Hence, you learn something from it. James was my very first serious relationship. Guess what? It was such a mess!

Lesson number 1: Don’t love too much

I am the kind of girlfriend that if I love somebody I would definitely love him till the end – come what may. From what I experienced with James, loving him too much caused me too much trouble to ease the pain. And may I say, extraordinary pain!

Lesson number 2: Love yourself more.

This is the cliché I never imagined I will believe in. When I love somebody I usually love him every single day as if it was our last day on Earth. I give him all the attention he needed. I give him everything he wants and yes, to a point I become a “sugar mommy”. What I’m trying to say is, I give my all with the fact that I am forgetting one very important thing – myself.

“Love yourself more” – I heard this a million times but I never took it seriously until now. If only I have left something for myself I would not be as devastated as I was before. James could have not hurt me this bad. “If you’re not somebody’s girlfriend, then you don’t have to break up with anyone.” This line I learned from Samantha Jones, not the exact line but the thought is in it.

Lesson number 3: Always date the guy who’s better than you at all times.

For a career driven woman like me, settling for someone like James was hard especially on his part. Men are, most of the time, insecure. If you’re the one who’s earning more than he does then that’s a big issue. Like you have to punish yourself for being successful – not cool! So always, I mean always and at all cost and time, date a guy who’s better than your especially on the financial part.

Lesson number 4: Don’t look for Mr. Right!

Just enjoy who you’re with right now. Don’t be drowned by the “Mr. Right School of Thought”. Try to enjoy every single moment in your life. Enjoy your friends’ company. Enjoy people flirting with you. Don’t tie yourself with someone you’re not sure to spend his whole life with your. This will avoid the “I want to die because we broke up” thing.

Lesson number 5: Be optimistic.

He/She broke up with you. So what? Who cares? I know it’s very optimistic of me but since I recovered from this whole James thing, I’m very happy. I know it will be painful at times. Cry if you want. Shout and put the finger if you want but never let anyone caught you looking as loser as you are. Don’t worry. There’s lot of men/women out there. One man at a time :P

I think this is a song for James

By Sai

I heard this over the radio and YES! James this is for you. I love the melody of this song but nah! Me and James? Together? Erase! Erase! Erase!

I am happy now! I am happy without him. He proved how an asshole he is (many times) and he's not worth the "I shall return" scenario :P

Enjoy this song from Mariah Carey :)

I am missing the happy part

By Sai

(July 21, 2010, 11:30pm)

Tonight is like the other nights. I watch at least three episodes of either Fringe or Sex and the City. I am just too glad I finished downloading Sex and the City’s full season 6 episodes today. I am, again, getting my daily dose of Relationships 101 from Carrie Bradshaw.

Tonight’s episode reminds me of James. I know, from deep inside, I still love him. Tonight is not like the other night – I don’t have to deal with James, every night before I go to sleep, that heavy. From the moment a friend told me that I should talk about James less, I started to accept the fact that we can never be together and that whatever happened between us for three years will never happen again – well at least not in this universe’s time and space (theory from Fringe, of course).

I am writing this post before I go to sleep. I just finished watching the first three episodes of Sex and the City’s season six. I stopped at the episode where Carrie and Burger were over the “book picking” part. The last scene was at Carrie’s bathroom. Carrie and Burger were so happy together – just like I and James three years ago.

My heart is beating fast as I am writing this post. I feel James in my heart. Yet, I feel it is impossible. Early this morning a friend tagged me in one of her photo albums. I saw old memories from my school organization way back college. I saw how I managed the Junior Marketing Executives of 2008 despite all the odds. I stood for my organization. I saw how happy I was. Next.

I saw my classmates having fun in our General Assembly Party. Next.

I saw how they do the Japan pose. Next.

I saw how one of them pretended to be a drummer but actually he’s not. Next.

I should have not clicked the “Next” button...

There we were – I and James. I saw love.

I remember those days when all I ever cared about was him. I remember those days when all we ever knew was that we love each other. All I can see was “US”.

I tagged myself. I was trying to tag James in the photo but since he’s not my friend in Facebook anymore, I failed to tag him in the photo. So I went to his account and send him the link to the photo. I said, “Here’s a photo that you might be interested to tag yourself” – and I went back to work.

Right after my lunch break, I saw a message in my Facebook account. I was from James. He replied to my message.

He said, “This was our photo long ago. I miss US.”

I knew it! He was planning to throw bait but I did not let myself give in. I went straight to the point and replied, “Just tag your account if you like.”

Truth is I wanted him to ask me back – but he didn’t. Yes I miss US too. I miss him so much but I am just trying to concentrate on what I have right now. I don’t want to deal with him – my brutal past. I loved him once upon a time and let it all stay there. Now I know that not all fairy tales end with a “and they all lived happily ever after.” That cliché is bullshit! If you’re single like me please face reality and don’t fall for this “happily ever after” trap. It will just kill you from within – from your heart until you’re dead.

We both agreed that “US” being together is just next to impossible. James, I miss you but I have to move on. You’re a big pain in my ass, literally honey. You’re just giving me too much pain and I do not deserve this! Now, I don’t just miss James... I miss the feeling of having someone beside you

Someone who loves to hug you.

Someone who’s fond of kissing your lips.

Someone who wants to stay up late just to talk to you over the phone.

Someone you can go out with any time of the day (or night).

Someone you can call “YOUR GUY”.

I am still a single lady in the metropolis, still roaming around the busy city and looking for my next Mr. Right. I am not rushing. I just hope he will find me when I am just about to get bored doing all the “single lady” stuffs. Cheers to your honey! Come and get me... NOW!

Waking up with a smile

By Sai

(Written on July 13, 2010, 10:24am)

This is the first time that I woke up with a smile since I and James broke up – and this feeling is the best. Last night I composed a post about Robert and his endless effort to make me happy. I think he made me smile today.

The weather outside is very lonely yet calming. It’s raining outside and in a moment like this I usually think of James and how he broke my heart but things are different now.

I think I am moving on.

I am very grateful for having people (lots of people) who loves me. I have my blogger friends, Vince, Sire, Leira and Carl who took the time to listen to all my silly “James” stories. They made me realize my advantages now that I am SINGLE again.

Carl is right. Maybe I still love James but I if only I have enough power to erase him in my mind and in my heart, I will. Today is the start. I can feel it. I am not that lonely anymore. I haven’t totally moved on, that’s a fact. I am taking one baby step at a time.

Leira is right. James wants me and ONLY me. He made a broken bridge between me and my friends. James is selfish, VERY selfish.

No more tears now. The sad face may be seen from time to time but I think I can manage the feeling now. I will not cry anymore.

There’s one thing I like about breaking up – it is when your friends are there to offer their shoulders to you. My friends rock!

To be with you

By Sai

(Written on July 12, 2010, 6:40pm)

Because I was in pain I almost forgot how to smile. Today, smiles are everywhere. I am currently listening to “To be with you” by Mr. Big (the band). As the music is playing I remember Robert.

Robert never failed to make me smile. When I and James are in a fight Robert is always there to cheer me up. He likes me and just the fact that he respects that I have a boyfriend (back then) makes me like him more (as a friend). We are good friends since 2009. Our friendship is just starting and now that I am not with James anymore, Robert is still here – just one text away.

Last night, Robert was mad at me. I was not sending him any messages since my break up with James and he knows how painful that is. He wants to be beside me but I am not giving him a chance. He was so mad and he told me that he doesn’t want me in his life. You have to understand that our feelings are mutual since we first met but I chose James. Robert waited for me (until now). He also told me not to send him any messages because he now has a girlfriend. Of course, that was another (minor) broken heart for me. The next day, Robert apologized to me and he told me that he told me that because he was so mad. I am taking him for granted and he does not want that. Now we’re okay. One question remains: Robert is good to me, can he be my next Mr. Big?

“Come on baby let me be the one to show you. I’m the one who wants to be with you. Deep inside I know you feel it to.”

This is the perfect line that will describe Robert’s feeling towards me. Listening to it right now makes me think. Do I have to give him a chance? Yes, I have feelings for him but I do not want him to be my rebound relationship. I want to love him when my heart is ready to love again.

“We can be together, baby. You can make my life worthwhile. I can start to make you smile.”

Now that I have accepted the fact that James can never be mine again, I realized one thing. There’s always someone (Robert) out there waiting for me – just this fact alone makes me happy. You see how he, Robert, always managed to make me smile?

“Just to be the next to be with you”

Robert, I will be yours when the perfect time comes. You will have my heart when my heart has been healed by time. When I’m yours I know you will make me very happy. Thanks for always loving me for who I am.

I can’t get over us

By Sai

(Written on July 12, 2010 at 1:56am)

Tonight is like the other nights I had since me and James broke up. Tonight is sad. No, tonight is the worst. Tonight I realized how much I hate myself for still loving him. He was my heaven.

He was my light. I believe I would never ever find a love like him in my entire lifetime. I recall the days when he was still mine – those days when we were still us. I am not a VERY good person, I know. I have flaws. I am a brat and I want (most) things done my way but James stood by me. He was there when I was happy. He was there when I was going through my parents’ painful separtion. He stayed with me through thick and thin. He listened to all of my silly stories. He kissed me when I was mad. He embraced me when I needed (just) time. He healed my broken heart. He was everything a girl like me could ever dream of. HE WAS MY LIFE.

And now...

MY LIFE HAS PASSED ME BY.

My friend was right. I realized that “maybe, I still love him.” That one I know but I tried to bury the feeling thousands of feet under the ground.

I STILL LOVE HIM.

“It’s been months and for some reason I can’t get over us... I’m so over being blue crying over you” – Neyo.

Yes, I am tired of going through my “before bed” crying routine. I need more time to forget how much I loved him. I need more months to forget how much we both hate each other now.

“Don’t make me think about his smile or having my first child. I’m letting go”

I am so sick of this! James, you ruined who I am. I blame you for all this stupid tears falling down my face. You said you’ll love me come what may. I guess PROMISES ARE REALLY MEANT TO BE BROKEN. You promised me and the worst decision I made in my life is when I BELIEVED.

Move on

By Sai

July 9, 2010 (12:13am)

I have been holding on for my special feeling towards James for quite some time. We were together for three years and it has been (just) two months since we separated. The fact that I am not with him really kills me. I haven’t moved on and this feeling sucks.

It hurts to wake up every day with no “Good morning baby, I love you!” messages in my phone. There were times when I caught myself staring at my window, tears falling down while madly thinking of him.

What happened today was a shocker! Yes I am still stalking James’ Facebook account. He’s been saying nasty things about me online and don’t tell me that’s something great! He’s just an asshole, whom I happen to really love. How about that huh? My heart is bleeding every time I see his hate posts for me. I know we both were hurt but I just hope he’s matured enough to handle a break up. I am too fragile. My feelings are too sensitive. I may not show it but deep inside I’m bleeding.

Then I saw this:

This is my Mr. Big’s actual post. He’s falling for another woman. Two months... that’s all he needed to forget every ounce of me. Two months is all he needed to erase all those stupid “I love you honey.” Two months is all he needed to move on.

This post put a period to everything. It’s over – the only fact that I cannot face for two months. It took him eight months to kiss me. Now, all he needed was a little time and Lhara. (Sad face) I can’t breathe.

(Crying)

James, you were all the best I ever had. You were my life. I was still hopeful that everything will work out between us. This is all I have now – memories of you and me. I am stuck. This is no good at all. Who is Lhara? Am I just another woman you came to love for fun? You do not know the feeling. I am still in pain, James, and now you’re asking for someone else’s lips?

(Frown)

Tonight I watched Eclipse. My friend invited me to watch it. Because I am so sad tonight, I decided to watch the movie. As I was watching the movie, I remembered James. I said to myself, “this is exactly what we wanted to see together.” We’ve been waiting for this movie.

Then I found myself in the middle of two guys (my friends). I am having some deep thoughts. It’s just like the movie. If I am Bella, where’s my Edward? Where is my Jacob? If I am Carrie, where is Mr. Big? Where is Aidan? I have nothing but myself.

Please view this video. This really fits my situation now. James, I just hope you’ll be happy now (sad face)

I want my Aidan

By Sai

There’s a lot of Sex and the City going on in my life right now. I am now on Season 4 and I still have a lot of Sex and the City marathon to do. Now, during the past episodes of SATC Carrie cheated on Aidan. I felt bad for Carrie because she was so f*cking okay with being with Mr. Big and losing Aidan. MAJOR NO! Aidan is perfect!

We all have our own Mr. Big in our lives but Aidan happens only once in a blue moon! Tonight I fantasize on meeting my own version of Aidan in my lifetime – a perfect man who perfectly loves you.

I admire how he, Aidan, just forgives and forget what Carrie did to him. That’s so manly and mature of him. I am sure that if I am Aidan it is HARD to just love the woman who broke your precious heart. It’s then I start to wonder – I want someone like him.

Yes, he is so damn hot! I like the new hair, clean and so hunk! I love how he confronts “Batman” and in a manly way told Mr. Big that “Hey, she is mine now so get the f*ck out of here!”

I think I already met my Aidan but I guess not. Let’s name him Robert. Robert is a great guy. No! He is one hottie who likes me. I was so mesmerized with his beautiful face and never thought if he really loved me. Yes, I never cared because just the thought that “he likes me” thrills me to the bone! If James was my Mr. Big, Robert was my Aidan. He could be a great boyfriend too, I must say. Oh man, now I am REALLY thinking about him! If he is all these things then why didn’t I date him or committed? Yes he wanted me to be HIS girl but it’s just too good to be true. I may have this Miranda side of me. He is way too handsome for me (not that I am saying that my looks suck but hey! I must be that hot too for him to like me, right?).

I do not want him to be the rebounder. I am still in the “I just broke up with somebody” stage. I like him but love him? Nah! I do not want to cheat on myself. I still love James, who can’t stood up for me and here comes Robert who, from a point of view of a woman like me, really likes me. Since I am so emotional these past few weeks I have been thinking of calling him. I want to see him and see where this path will lead us but I do not want to mislead him. I want my Aidan when this Carrie is ready to forget Mr. Big.

I shall return

By Sai

“I shall return” – a statement that has been part of the Filipino norm. Historically, it meant something. Tonight I experienced a different part two – James sent a message.

I hate him for letting me know how much he still loves me.

I hate him for letting me know how much he still thinks of me.

I hate him for letting me know how much he still cares.

James is making this hard for me. He has no idea how much I wanted to hug him again. He has no idea how much my lips are begging for his sweet kisses. He just had no idea that I STILL love him.

I replied with the same thing. We have been talking for the past month like sh*t and I just realized that this man was my boyfriend once upon a time. This guy was the one I ever wanted. We shared so much and to just let the anger inside me control my whole being is just wrong. I told him I still love him, I still think of him and I still care but this time there would never be a part two in our relationship. That one hurts!

To face the fact that you can no longer be with the one you love really sucks! There were too many odds against us now. I am not saying that I care about what people might think but our issue was too big and too deep for me to handle. I do not know if I still have to believe him because I think he is okay now. I am trying to move on from my “James Chapter” and I know (someday) I will be fine. Right now I am not looking for anyone in particular. The thought of loving another man is just not passing my mind. I am trying to love myself again. This way, next time I fall in love, I am whole again.

The good thing about breaking up

By Sai

Sex and the City is the best thing that ever happened to me since I broke up with James. It was the perfect series for me. It opens my mind to a whole different reality. Tonight I realized that my relationship with James may have failed because of my flaws but I think I have to be happy we broke up.

True, it is hard for me to accept the fact that we are not together anymore. It has been three f*cking years! I may be a hard-headed girlfriend but I am not the type who is dependent on any guy. I like to do things on my own. I want to be independent. Miss Independent as Neyo referred to one of his songs. Yes, I earn my own money and I buy whatever makeup I like. It is a good thing he had me because he wouldn’t have to worry about paying food for me because (hell) I can afford it!

Today, I had the chance to talk to the CEO of our company. I was really embarrassed because there was an awkward moment where we have to talk about James. Damn! It made me cry but Mr. CEO said something awakening. He said, “You should be happy you broke up with him. Think about this, if you’re still with him you cannot grow professionally.” T-R-U-E! He hates my job and he limits my career growth. Man! Its 2010 now! Women are in power! Go ladies!

One thing that I really love about breaking up is giving birth to a new YOU! In my own experience, every time someone breaks my heart (James in particular) I have more time to celebrate ME! Right now I am trying to lose a couple of weight and I take care of my skin and face more. I consider it as a revenge for James. If ever I will see him again or (better) he sees me again, in my most unexpected moment he’ll just tell himself, “Man! That was my girl B-E-F-O-R-E! She’s stunning!”. *sshole! I will make sure that when you see me again you’ll fall for the second time around and I’ll make sure (this time) I will break your heart! Now that was for James.

Lastly, you get to meet a lot of people especially cute guys :) Your ex should not think that he is irreplaceable as what Beyonce perfectly said in her song. Yes boys, to the left, to the left! We have more time to mingle with guys who are not as loser as you are! If you’re like me who felt tired of just looking so stupid for crying over a loser guy, move one honey! Let’s mingle and let’s enjoy life as it is. This life is too short to cage yourself in the f*cking memories of your ex. This is a new life and let us all make the most of it!

Tips on how to move on from your ex-boyfriend

By Sai

I’ve been having one of the biggest problems a single lady like me could encounter – moving on from your past guy. I have been watching Sex and the City the whole night and there was this episode about “break up rules”. I would like to call it my “moving on rules”.

I am not an expert in this part though. James was my first serious relationship and I am still a virgin in dealing with emotional problems brought by an ex-boyfriend. I know that there are lots of single ladies all over the world. There might be some who’s just like me and I want to share my “moving on methodology”.

1. Get busy. Getting busy is one way of setting your mind to not think of your ex-boyfriend or at least think of something worthwhile. Find some work to do either at home or at the office. Try to be occupied at all cost because when you are stuck with nothing to do (believe me!) you will just think of your ex-boyfriend.
2. Reconnect. With what I have experienced with James, he is this kind of guy who wants to build his own world around you and he expects you to do the same. It is kind of a good thing at the start but the world has other people too! You need to socialize! There are some who lost their connection with friends because of their “current” boyfriend. Now, when you get the chance to be single again RECONNECT with your old pals. Believe me this really works because this is also one way of getting busy and at the same time keeping up with what’s happening around the “REAL” world.
3. Date. This is just plain date. I do not encourage hooking up with another guy because you want to avoid another pain, right? A casual date can help you a lot. Be cautious though. Be careful who you date and (please) do not fall in love! I am not a big fan of being a rebounder or using someone just to ease the pain you are currently feeling. It is true that life is unfair but ALWAYS be fair to yourself.
4. Do the thing/s you like doing the best. As for me, I love shopping for makeup, makeup brushes, clothes and shoes. Shopping for me is a therapeutic act! This is a classic “moving on” act to most women. If you are a movie goer treat yourself to the latest picture at your local cinema.
5. Travel and unwind. Travelling can give you an extra boost. It can help you reflect on things you have done in the past. Re-evaluating you as an individual and as a partner. Take this time to really think things over and you’ll be surprised of the result. I suggest travelling on places where you’ll feel close to nature. This can really help.
6. Review what you’ve got and throw away unwanted memories. Photos, love letters, phone numbers, gifts and other stuffs that would remind you of him should go to the trash bin! This is one of the things you should not miss if you are decided to move on from the past. Your recovery period is a critical time and you don’t want to catch yourself off guard by remembering how you two cuddled and kissed. It will increase the pain.

Hate that I love you

By Sai

I am such a loser (I know)! James has moved on inevitably and the loser part is I haven’t and I don’t know until when this whole James dilemma will be over.

I think Rihanna and Neyo’s song “Hate that I love you” suits this James chapter of my life. I am fragile and when I am sad I just cry. Crying is not a drama for me. It is one of my ways to shake the loneliness away. I’ve been crying for the past two months but not on a regular basis. I am also busy, you know. But when I had nothing to do, all I can think of is him.

I miss his touch.

I miss his kiss.

I miss his hug.

I miss EVERYTHING about him!

Pathetic! Sometimes I wish I never loved him this much. There were times when I wish I had amnesia. Forgetting literally everything will help me a lot.

“One of these days maybe your magic won’t affect me... But no one in this world knows me the way you know me. So you’ll probably ALWAYS have a spell on me...”

Darn! James I still love you! I guess I’ll always will. This really sucks! I want to ignore the pain but I just can’t deny the fact that I am still in love with you, James. Three years is not a joke, man! I see you as my husband but I guess we’re really not meant for each other :(

“I just can’t let you go and I HATE THAT I LOVE YOU SO”

I hate you

By Sai

It has been roughly 2 months since we broke up. Let's just replace my ex-boyfriend's name with James. I really love James. He was my all! I blocked him in Facebook last week because he's starting a fight. I've been thinking too many things lately and a fight from him will add some stress.

I've been missing him since day 1 of our break up. Last night I was talking to friend, Ashley. We we're talking about something when I noticed myself writing James' name. Darn! I still love him! This is the sad part..... He's interested in another woman now :( MAJOR OUCH!

I'm sad right now because I see a different photo in him profile (yes I unblocked him in Facebook just to check what he's into right now and, yes, I miss him). It was a lady's photo who's really stunning! It hurts! Man! My profile picture is me holding a paper with "I hate you" written on it. I guess it's really for him. 

It has only been 2 months and he moved on! WTF?!?! (Sigh) I wish I can shake this feeling off of me :(

Do not expect

By Sai

Relationships? Nah! I've had the best and the worst of it! Right now I don't want to commit to anybody. Yesterday I proved myself right.

I have a friend, let's just call him "Bernie". Bernie is a good friend of mine. I met him in Makati City during our training for a call center position. He's really nice and he's a smart guy too.

We have been talking for quite some time now but not seriously. We discuss matters about "us" since we have an unknown relationship. We're friends but we both know that we have "special feelings" for each other. Though this is our situation, I never expected something from him and vice versa. We enjoy each other's company but with no commitment at all!

Good thing I never expected anything. Yesterday I found out through his Facebook update that he is in a relationship with someone else. Weird but I'm very happy for him :) I even liked his update with no hard feelings at all.

During that moment I noticed myself smiling. I am so proud of myself! I was not hurt for the first time! I think I'll be like this for a long time. I don't want to commit to anyone and I don't want to be in a serious relationship again (not in five or ten years from now). I think I just don't want to be controlled anymore. I love being single! I am having fun of doing all the things I want to do without asking for someone else's permission. I'm living a rejection-free life!

The "Bother"

By Sai

The problem with ex-boyfriends are them being bitter about what happened. Girls are like that too. There is a point where you don't want to stop talking to him just to let him know how hurt and damaged you are.

Last week was a pretty hard week for me. I fought with my ex-boyfriend. At first he was in control but towards the end I am the one dominant. I don't know what's the matter with him. I admit that I have flaws in our relationship but the problem with him is that he does not admit his own flaws. He thinks he's perfect!

Since we had that fight I decided not to talk to him anymore. I don't see any sense in talking to him again when all we'll do is fight about unresolved issues in our past relationships. Since he does not admit his flaws we can never resolve it. I was slowly coping to this sad feeling inside. 

I checked my Facebook account as usual and to my surprise he sent a message. He was greeting my dad for father's day. I replied with no bitterness telling him that I will tell my dad about his greeting. He replied mad. What's wrong with him? I think he likes the fact that he's bothering me. To solve the problem I blocked him in my Facebook account. I want to live my happy single life without him! He's a big pain in the *ss.

I hope he'll mature soon. His next girlfriend would be in hell if he stays like that. Good thing for me I had the chance to break free.

A love tattoo

By Sai

Now I think being so emotional can sometimes help you to enjoy the moment of being hurt. After everything, you'll get bored of being hurt and will finally decide to move on. I just want to share this quote from a fan page that I joined.

Love is much like a tattoo. You take the risk, face the pain and place it on a special part of you. And when the time comes when you need to erase it, you have to endure the pain again and realize that it will forever leave a scar, a scar that will always remind you that you had a tattoo that once symbolized something so special. -Letting go doesn't mean giving up... it means you are ready in moving on.

The story behind the name

By Sai

If you've been following my other blogs you would probably know me as "Sai Verano." Now with this very first post from the bottom of my (broken) heart, I'd use ONLY "Sai" from now on. I'm letting go of the "Verano" part. It was actually my boyfriend's (ehem... ex-boyfriend's) last name. Yes! I was a victim too! I thought we're meant to be.

We broke up because of too many issues. I can't stand his insecurities in life and his demands! It was just too much for me :( I learned to separate my own feelings (the sad ones) when I'm at work but today is different. The sadness was there. I can't hide my lonely face and my teary-eyed because of what I found out today.